seandearth

fake spilled floor silenced

2011-08-11T10:37:00.000-07:00

cadence teardrop senseless sentence.

and then it all blows up.

the figurines, the sex, careless flesh all around mixed with alcohol

everyone drowning private issues in public disgrace.

paying for someone else to lick their tasteless wounds,

suffocate them, tie them, smell them, curse them.

and when the rituals are finnally over,

return to their homes, where they choose to hide.

just let everything out, and then slit your innner thoughts.

just bottle up your demands and differences.

just let it creep up no more,

and sleep for a while.

2011-08-03T08:14:00.000-07:00

why have to make choices.

why can't it be like the coming and going of the sea,

keeping the tide warm, free of riddles and cliffs.

i cant even understand anymore,

and my eyes wont cry.

let it be said that destiny is chosen by few,

but confronted by all of us.

and then again, if you choose sleep, or if you choose not to be awake,

then you may not be choosing at all.

2010-11-24T12:43:00.001-08:00

ive been waiting for this.

a moment in which i sit down not thinking of a cigarrete, or a beer, or porn.

a moment for my head to be blank, a sort of nirvana, if you like.

silence...

love trap

2010-03-24T07:25:00.000-07:00

follow where you lead, directly to the ground.

i really could, think about it, even enjoy it.

scream

it's my place, where i belong, one direct hit.

savor my blood like candy,

just like my first love

could you let me escape?

let me escape

is it?

2009-12-16T08:11:00.000-08:00

soooooooooo

the alibi begins to set: the meeting with another woman.

the jealousy and rage pouring over.

it's a dinner date on a soso restaurant.

the knife glittering.

the food is really nice, would you care for a glass of wine?

red. all over.

inspiration

2009-07-09T13:34:00.000-07:00

go before to the north of the fountain,
there you will find my girl devil and she will take you
where you want to go

dancing

mindrops

2009-05-13T08:20:00.000-07:00

this distinct sound made me remember something.
like when i was a kid and waited in vain for someone to enter my room and chop my head off.
as i remember the feeling vaguely, and think about how paranoid i can be, i keep listening to the driping drops of water falling in the tub.
tictic. 1015-saturday night, tictic, an episode of the twilight zone, tictic, my head chopped off by an axe, tictic, my mind is really disturbed.

do it for the kids

2009-02-17T05:35:00.000-08:00

no, I have not. there is always another road, another sign, another flip of the same face, of the same coin, or another wave to crush on.
yeah, yeah... nonsense-she said as she pulled over the car and tried to make him get out.
If you did not think about having kids, when are you gonna?
Kids-he thought to himself-one more reason to live, to love and yet one more reason to try and kill myself, especially if they come up half as spoiled as my wife...
I thought about it. Kids? NAH!

try me again

2008-10-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

undo, redo. rewind and erease.
the knowing of a late outcome can curse your preset present till you find out it may even be... ok.
without waiting we stumble upon tried before answers we don't even say.
and the last thing you stand on top is the facts, and the first you fall upon is the sad... ness of having lost... a chance.

C/F

2008-10-22T07:26:00.000-07:00

yackety-yack.
not good to not think this through.
but whenever it calls it follows.
so, it calls.
and the brain starts to understand it should be following.
"why don't you come by my place tonight?"
of course the answer is written in the question,
it's not even a question.
and it follows.
and we say good morning like we say goodnight, like the only thing we say.

so

2008-06-10T09:49:00.000-07:00

why would she lie to me?
maybe she had something to loose, some uncontrolable urge to fuck with me, in any way possible.
and why the tears, and the crusts of what seemed to be regret, and the happines
g0dd4mm!t
after all im just a whiner
and the people sorrounding me are just here to set the fun on fire.
i want to sing so badly
but the words escape in other ways, maybe more reliable,
sarcastic
out of focus and undry
bring it.

so.ng

2008-04-26T19:38:00.000-07:00

Just like a dreary dream dreamt by the unlikely bum.
It opened with a face, a smile and a dance.
then lights turned around into night.
and the face was blown like leaves,
and the cats realized the dance was over.
save me one last dance only in the dreams i can not escape completely from the broken pleasure of this song unsung.
charming
and lonely,
eyes wide, and open.
eyes fixed and crazed,
closed soulless eyes.
Hey...

too late or too soon

2008-02-13T00:54:00.000-08:00

i don't quite remember what she had said to me,
only that i was left sitting and crying,
thinking about the next day in the park,
the next coffee and the next cig.
she didn't leave me, but left me alone.
i was confused and at the same time amazed.
i felt naive and white.
the next day, with the coffee and the cig in the park,
she met me there with some guy,
it was supposed to be her dad.
he kept on telling her that they should go,
she kept looking at me as if i had the answer.
they finally left.
i put out the cigarette in my coffee and poured down a blanket till it covered my feet,
and went to sleep.

campsite

2007-12-17T23:17:00.000-08:00

it was not until thursday that i knew what was going on.
the lift seemed an unlikely solution.
all things pointed to the direction i had not faced before.
the sky was a little red and grey.
and their bodies grew yellow and black.
everything in my head was blurry,
still when i spoke it was as if i was certain about anything.
the fact remained that while i was alive, my friends were dead,
and i was starting to think that i did them in.
one by one in my strangest dreams i killed them in my sleep.
and now, not knowing what to do i just lay in my tent, hoping someone reaches what's left of us.
the forest was a great scenario, i could have taken a million pictures if the sight wasn't dragged to this.

jump overboard

2007-12-13T10:02:00.003-08:00

jazz
figurines danced over a table.
salty feet stumbling at each other.
fear was their rythm and awe.
how was it that they found the music with so much to run from.
greedy eyes watching over their shoulders,
cold hands avoiding to touch,
and feel, and keeping from melting into the scene.
standing up
reasoning there was not,
filtering rays
bolting keys
shattered faces and growing holes.
senseless beating of seconds one after the other,
and then there was no sound at all.
no hands,
no figurines,
no stares at the wall.
no jazz
no edge

regret

2007-12-13T10:02:00.001-08:00

staring over the bridge i saw a woman trying to stand up.
she couldnt talk, or stay still.
she had been crying about a flower.
the sense of all over was around.
when she finally stood up she had nowhere to go.

monologue (with stupid)

2007-12-13T10:01:00.001-08:00

take me
ill regret not having, not taking it all.
step back
when we meet i dont want to see a frown
lay on the grass, bring the wine.
becoming or begoing but dont stay still,
tell me
its you that i miss?
on the shower, in a bench on the park...
lay down on the grass, and bring the wine.
stay right here before running away.
maybe someday we'll have time to think about this.

bye sammy

2007-11-27T21:40:00.000-08:00

close your eyes to what's not there.
that's all she said, and it made perfect sense.
then she left.

comeback

2007-10-27T17:26:00.000-07:00

lightly stepping over the sleepyheads,
i make my way through the kitchen.
i cook for everyone before they rise,
and then stroll along to the beach
to have a nice long cold water bath.
i hear some loud yelling, they're telling me to come back before everthings finished.
smiling at everyone i take my plate and enjoy a late lunch,
soaking wet and with my hair covering my eyes.
last night was a night to remember, and though it wont come back,
i know we will.

if you came to me..

2007-10-22T19:35:00.000-07:00

no one else sees this,
this fear, this same moon that gathers.
the tentacles of countless lenses.
the fate that brings another day.
illusions different for the same twisting eyes,
searching endlessly to count the surrounding fish,
to embrace sudden asphyxiation.
water below my toes, and under the skin,
stretching from my arms to my teeth,
inaccurate, immense.
choking, stripping thoughts of the palpable, of the concrete.
obtusely exhaling tears into salty water,
and then the improvised last goodbye.
if you came to me,
i would still drown.

searching for answers

2007-10-22T18:09:00.000-07:00

incredible.
the answers appear just as long as you loose all faith in them.
she tries to reason it out, lighting a fire with her hands,
trying to read the stars in a dark drowsy night.
he feels her reaching in, ignoring him,
confident he will listen.
i stare at both of them and they're silence and close my eyes.
he takes a needle and starts writing her body, first in the air,
now on her back "i do" in blood, and then a kiss.
she cries, holds him like a child in her arms, caress his forehead,
whispers "i do too".
I open my eyes and walk away with a smile and a don't look back.

rage?

2007-10-21T23:01:00.000-07:00

i just wanna tear up my face.
dissapear, forget myself, forget i ever knew me.
and then fade in.
close my eyes without remembering a name.
invent no stories, tell no jokes.
just lay in a cold bed trying to fall asleep.
thinking if the next day will rain.

nor.mal.ly

2007-10-11T15:32:00.000-07:00

it's just your face.
Thats what he said when i was crying.
And then i lied about what had happened
He missed a step and tripped
when he was on the floor we tried to speak, but i could not hear a sound.
the glowing stars on the sealing made a wink and i fell asleep before i could hear him leave.
The minutes that remained from the night,
the frightening voices,
the scarred trees,
the wet floor, and the blessed cigarettes.
fire kept me warm as i tried in vain to embrace myself to the sleeping twilight,
with a hurting bed trying to fade away.

if only

2007-09-05T02:06:00.000-07:00

if i could erase the memory of me in the minds of the people that could suffer with my death,
i would.

bedtime

2007-08-21T03:00:00.000-07:00

At 6 i stopped reading bedtime stories.
At 16 i started writing them.
At 26 all i wanted was to sleep.

just a face.

2007-08-12T21:24:00.000-07:00

laughing on the corner street.
limit between the light and your face comes near to zero when u strike me.
beer on the asphalt.
dancers in the dark.
in the end, a cigarette lights up the distance.
and the end is obliterated, because there is no beginning.
how should i speak.
when can i cry.
run.
hide.
respect?
remorse?
turn off the lights as you get out of my room, please.

god knows im helpless - The Smahing Pumpkins

2007-07-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

if god does know,
and i know he does,
then im forgiven.
At least i hope so,
in all my sins i hope so,
in al my grief i pledge so,
in all my words i cry for,
and in all my dreams i wish for.
good bye dear old friends

school band

2007-07-05T08:30:00.000-07:00

i had a band a few years back.
it was kind of indy, mellow rock band.
my friends from school and i played in some stoner bars for some crappy money and booze.
the tricks were good, we mostly played some covers and R. wrote some songs.
He was always getting laid whenever he played certain songs to someone in the audience.
what we didn't know then is that he slept with men.
D. played the bass, and smoked pot only when he wasn't with us.
M. played the keyboards, and he wasn't around for long.
S. played the drums. he had a strange foot fetish, we found him one day tied to his bed smelling his girlfriends feet.
We had been friends for 10 years but we never seemed to know each other a whole lot.
the name of the band was clistar creal.

the ring song - the bravery

2007-07-04T14:46:00.000-07:00

What if all, I want want in this world,
Turned out just to be an honest girl,
Turned out just to make of me an honest man.

speed of pain - Marilyn Manson

2007-07-01T23:52:00.000-07:00

Nothing left to say, but sing this song.
enjoy the lyrics:

"They slit our throats
Like we were flowers
And our milk has been devoured

When you want it
It goes away too fast
Times u hate it
It always seems to last
But just remember when you think you're free
The crack inside you fucking heart is me

[thought, not spoken:] I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day

I wish I could sleep
But I can't lay on my back
Because ther's a knife
For everyday that I've known you

When you want it
It goes away yoo fast
Times u hate it
It always seems to last
But just remember when you think you're free
The crack inside your fucking heart is me

[thought, not spoken:] I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day

Lie to me, cry to me, give to me
I would
Lie with me, die with me, give to me
I would
Keep all your secrets wrapped in dead hair
I hope at least we die holding hands for always"

just for fun

2007-06-30T11:36:00.000-07:00

sharing fears.
one of these days i'm gonna call you,
sit at your front lawn,
without waking your dad.
wait until you pretend to fall asleep.
help you climb down the window.
stare at your whole body for hours,
and kiss those tasty lips.
and when your nightmares get you,
and you start to share your fears with me.
i will make them come true,
and tear you apart.
just for fun.

remember

2007-06-25T01:12:00.000-07:00

greedy, dare i say.
the betting was done.
the cards flowed out of the table,
and the flesh started to turn red.
a kiss was not expected.
just the natural flow of life at it's peak.
she had won the hand, but he had his first chance.
the colour of the wine was suitable for the occasion.
he was shivering when she touched his face.
the rest was for the room to know,
and us to find out.
indeed, they fucked.
there is no term to picture it, but glorious.
but the ends to the means,
the hands,
the shapes,
the blood.
confusion
lonelyness swept
and greed.

slow emotion replay - the the

2007-06-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

-i dont know.
-in what did you spend your money?
-i dont remember... things.
-what things?
-what does it matter what things?
-it matters, it was not your money in the first place.
-i know, i screwed up.
-do you have any idea what is the matter with you?
-no

1-1

2007-06-16T09:18:00.000-07:00

so the girl was a mess.
she dragged herself to the kitchen,
and washed her hands in the sink.
she felt some salty tears and then
tasted them.
she went back to bed next to him and slept.
in the night she woke up with a bloody nose and some nightmares.
she fed her cat, had some coffee, half a cigarette.
she coughed some blood later and decided to go back to sleep.
she did not wake up again.

1-0

2007-06-16T09:14:00.000-07:00

so come on and bring the hammer
he said while falling asleep.
she went to the toolshed
and brought it back.
she sighed and then whispered something in his ear.
he woke up and then
cracked down.

(lack)

2007-06-09T16:44:00.000-07:00

it took a while for me to figure it out.
it had something to do with fingertips and swans and mornings and rum.
it had something to do with dew and dawns and typewriters and wrists.
i called her everyday for a year.
she only returned my calls with papers for a divorce.

caring is creepy - shins

2007-06-04T23:42:00.001-07:00

when i got to bed that night
the only true message in my head was
"fuck the world"
caring is creepy
i don't even remember the last time i held you
but if you where here
i would die just to touch your lips
and kissss you goodbye

on the beach

2007-05-20T19:06:00.000-07:00

well, the summer just started.
the sight of the beach under a warm rain on my feet.
again
i was lost in some cold eyes staring at nowhere.
the mud took a hold of my legs
the eyes turned around and caught a gaze on me
stared at me like some freak show crying in the rain
laughed
turned round and left
walking on the beah
walking beside someone else
i won't be walking after you

yeah

2007-05-05T14:28:00.000-07:00

i'm sorry for all the things i did.
for all the things i said.
for the way i looked at you,
and the way you smiled.
sorry for all the lies,
and the non-truths.
sorry for the frenzy and the dancing,
the alcohol and the rain.
sorry for me and my family.

yeah, right...

goodbye

2007-02-16T03:14:00.000-08:00

this shit you put me through...
i was just walking home safe and sane and you appear with your face screaming at me like i was some kind of heartless mother.
it keeps me sane that i know you for a little while.
i wanted to take care of you.

dancing cold

2006-12-19T10:21:00.000-08:00

its hard to say goodbye nowadays.
it is heartwarmingly fun to go out and dance in the cold listening to a lost track,
but i want more than some fun for tonight.
no surprises tommorrow.
the house and the yard in the same spot as ever,
the family spread all around the lake.
festivities suck all year round and im also alone.
goodbye

son of mine

2006-12-13T09:25:00.000-08:00

my son came to visit me that year, it was a cruel way to say goodbye.
he left laughing as i choked with the impression that i helped raising a little monster.
the winter was over, but the feeling of coldness had just started.

tomorrow

2006-11-02T22:02:00.000-08:00

i wake up at night to see you sleeping next to me.
it's not the fact that i'll know you'll go away someday,
or that your days here are few and counted.
i just like to hear you breathe and touch your skin to wake you up and have a kiss.
tomorrow you'll leave,
and i'll wake up alone.
but today, you lie here, in my bed, in my world, in my haunted eyes and truthless hands.
today i'll kill for you. and kiss you, and strangle you until you stop me.

no(n)sense

2006-10-28T02:28:00.000-07:00

my eyes start to hurt
the cross
air between breaths
standing still and then falling
becoming
begone
start and stop
this will be the end
frown and then look at your shoes
desperation is stepping over grief
and then my legs hurt
my voice goes numb
eyes twitching
dot the i
"leave me be. leave me here in my complaining sick sad little world." (incubus)

the hunted

2006-10-03T03:26:00.000-07:00

we came into an opening for the first time in hours. the jungle was very dense and this was like a moment to breathe. they were faster and obviously catching on us, so we had to move faster. the leader thought it was a good idea to pause, but the rest of us continued walking and couldn't look back when we heard the gunshot.
It was only a matter of time.

swing

2006-09-12T22:29:00.000-07:00

i watched my feet
i just sat and watched my feet go up and down, up and down, up and down.
Like when we were kids and sat on a swing.
the dream was the same as our fear, going all the way round like a wheel.
and then i jumped out and stared forward, into the valley, and even out of the valley and into the sea.
it was a beautiful afternoon.
My legs felt new and my grandkids where about to come home for supper.
"so long grandpa" was all i needed to hear that day.

solong.brother

2006-08-30T14:51:00.000-07:00

it was mid-afternoon. it was somewhat cold and it was supposed to rain in a few hours.
the street looked calm, and some dogs barked at a safe distance. he was walking towards my door, i looked through the window and then closed the curtain.
"I came to talk to you" he said.
"well, sit down and talk".
He told me how his last month was, how he missed our conversations and why he left me behind when we were running from the cops. He told me he wanted to be my brother again, and accept his apologies.
I thought this would never happen, so i just hugged him and told him i was sorry too, for everytime i did not speak to him when he was in pain.
He left after dinner and we agreed to meet on the weekend.
that was a month ago, we haven't spoken since and I'm too cold to move.
maybe i couldn't care less if i see anybody again.

donnie

2006-07-24T12:00:00.000-07:00

donnie woke up at a quarter to 5, talking in his sleep and walking to the bathroom.
he stared at his feet and then walked back to his bed only to find his pillow on the floor.
he reached down to get it, and got into bed again.
when the clock alarm went on, he took his 7pm pills.
when the clock alarm went on, he took his 03am pills.
Then he went to the bathroom at 4am.
bed.
pills.
bath.
bed.

aftermath.

2006-07-12T14:27:00.000-07:00

LONG AGO WHEN I WAS FASTER THAN THE HORSE I RIDE, THE WHOLE THING WAS CLEARLY THE OTHER WAY ROUND
NOTHING CAME AND NOTHING WENT UNLESS I SAID SO
NO SOUL WAS TO BE SEEN AT NIGHT
NO FLYING DWELLER WAS PERMITTED IN THIS PART OF THE COUNTRY.
tHE ONLY FLIGHT WAS MY MISTRESS COMING FOR ME,
WITH NEW BLOOD
HOT
AND READY
FOR SUPPER
THE CRYING BLOOD OF THE NEW VIRGIN SACRIFICE
AND NOW.
I JUST CRAWL IN THE MUD,
AND KICK MYSELF IN THE COFFIN
THAT SHALL ULTIMATELY RECEIVE ME.

get.out!

2006-06-27T16:18:00.000-07:00

I'm poured out of the room like a stone bleeding.
in the rain, outside, without a chance of being seen, i start crying.
and walking.
i also ran some of the time, and tripped and ran some more.
then i tried to laugh a little, as i felt bleeding in my right hand.
the movie was over and i guess i was over too.
the public spat on my face as my last credits stand proud out of focus.

so?

2006-06-20T15:38:00.000-07:00

nod, yes i repeat, nod.
the thing was clear, the corner of my eye was fixed into her.
i stared across the room just to se her shiny eyes pass through me.
we WERE going to be dancing in around 30 seconds.
my feet move along ths path:25.
two more tables and it's her:20.
i stare at the feet of her chair, and then up:15.
i whisper "would you like to dance":10.
She says "i'm sorry, i couldn't listen":5.
I stretch out my hand, and she stands as we start listening to The Shins.
0 seconds,
So says I.

Marilyn Manson

2006-06-15T16:07:00.000-07:00

"pray your life was just a dream
the cut that never heals" M.M.
I get up from the cut, i shave, i bleed a little feeling death overcoming sleep.
i pray that today will be my last.
i pray for everyone to leave quietly my room, leave in peace as i rest trying to find my own.
i pray in pieces, kneeling in the red floor.
i pray and then collapse.
"when all of you wishes are granted,
many of your dreams will be destroyed" M.M.

have a go

2006-06-02T13:58:00.000-07:00

fuckin' kisss, right.
i come and go and exactly when you get up
i go right behind you to the bathroom
you go in
i come in
the timing is really slow
the smile
you turn
no surprise in your face
the smile
and just then the fuckin' kiss right
the thing we thought would be perfect at the moment
you get down from wherever
i turn round and collapse walking down the stairs off the restroom

the story of nico the dolphin magician princess of South Namibia

2006-05-31T08:48:00.000-07:00

the usual
day
study
and no play
for nico
the dolphin princess
of South Namibia
in the region of the Teresita galaxy Town
born in Neptune
in the year 2004 of the Mayan Calendary
Born heir of the throne to the Teresita galaxy
when she was 5
she developed magic
around dolphins
that is why she is nicknamed "dolphin princess"
when she was 10, she had her first heart broken
(remember that Teresiteans have at least 4 hearts)
and she wrote five books: some of poems, and some of stories, which became instant best sellers in diverse galaxies
such as the pixie galaxy, which revolves around crazy little children making music, the venus galaxy, that involves broken hearted women who search for their strength and beauty without men
and also the corean galaxy
which made innumerable copies of the books, that were sold cheap because they were unregistered copies
when she was 15 she decided to be a doctor
she always knew biology was the key to life, and therefore she had to manage the language of life, and also death
and when she was 16 she preformed her first surgery
taking the unhealthy heart of a dolphin
and replacing it with an electric one
later, believing that the heart contained the soul
weeped for weeks for what she had done
At the age of 18 she finnally rendered some exams and became an actual magician
She also entered the best Medicine College in the known half of the universe, called Skp (Serious Knowledge for Professionals)
She performs in a Circus-Aquarium in the afternoons and studies in the mornings, becoming independant from her family in monetary matters.
She lives with some friends and School mates near her College.
Every performace is said to be different because she is one of the most renowned dolphin trainers in the Galaxy, partly because of the fact that she has been sorrounded by them since she was 3 and asked for her first pet dolhpin, also because her particular sensibility is in tune with the dolphins harmonious view of life.
She is still studying Medicine, hoping to be both a people's doctor, and also a veterinarian.
Her three remaining hearts have become a stable functioning machine, waiting for her lover to come and start a different life together.
While she is finishing her studies, her arts are at her best. She is still at the Circus Aquarium, but it has become a multi-planet and multi-galaxy show. Starting live every Friday and Saturday at 2000 hours Earth Time for almost a quarter of the Universe.
Her shows start with calm music, and her hair floating in the wind. then, after a flame throws her to the water, the real fun beggins. It changes every day, because she likes to improvise, and most of the time "the dolphins just want to play and have fun with my magic, they just react to the things i do, and then we start a conversation full of metaphors. The real core of it is we care for each other, I really love them, and they really love me. That is what people see and sense in the shows, and more importantly, what attracts them".

singalong

2006-05-17T15:08:00.000-07:00

sing: la-la-la-la-la, no particular rythm at all. figuring as you go along where you stop and when you start again, maybe humming once in a while.
at some point try and stand up, walk out the door.
breathinair.
shout to your dead parents, try and climb the neighbours wall.
if you do succeed and do not fall, go ahead into the living room and continue singing.
Eventually someone will join in.
good luck

for her

2006-05-12T14:19:00.000-07:00

it was ok that i did not wake up at 10 that day.
next day, when i hit the shower the clock showed 714am.
She was asleep in my bed when i left the apartment.
My mood was cloudy that day, i remember it very well.
Nothing had changed for a few years so i decided i had to do something.
i went down to the clinic, took a blood sample and wrote in red:
"to my dear darling, all my love written in my blood"

this is me.

2006-05-03T11:29:00.000-07:00

the sun shone in the screen as cars passed out in the street.
it was a clear day for a lonely freak.
it was obvious to the birds outside of the window the day would have an abrupt end.
there were no wars, no comets coming down. It was just a bad stroke of depression coming down on the freak.
He thought about jumping, but it was the second floor.
It was then he thought he could write himself to death.

ps: welcome to my life

old days

2006-04-30T01:21:00.000-07:00

"i wish the earth was flat like the old days" (death cab for cutie in "the new year")

the sun revolved around the earth, there was only one continent, and one language.
There was no technology to fly or to send faxes. there was no email, or msn.
there was only smoke signs. food. water. harvest. hunt.
no parties, no pictures, no films.
only celebrations and sacrifices.
subject 1 got lost so subjectess 1 found subject 2 in less than a day.
subject 2 forgot were his family was, so they could not eat mamuth any more.
subject 3 found subject 1 wondering in the forest, invited him to the beach and then
slaughtered him to eat him.
there was little pain, no music, no poetry.
But there was rythm.
there was fire.
there was sea, and rivers.
there was no ending though. it all turned round in squares.
there was no circles, no cycles.
only 4 stations were to stop.
born. hunt. reproduce. die.
the question was where you spent most of you life in.
the most of your 30 average year life.

k-no(w)stress

2006-04-24T16:55:00.000-07:00

i was leaving the city, walking slowly but stubbornly to the nearest beach. It was only some 50 miles away. I walked and walked when it was night, and when the sun rose, i hid fearing the sun would burn through my almost transparent skin. At night i returned to the road knowing i was close enough. the sea rose, the beach lay in the moonlight. i had a couple of drinks before i laid down beside my horse. they said the beach would cure him from his stress, i guess now we'll see about that.

well... rest

2006-04-20T16:37:00.000-07:00

well, it was awake,vand alive, and although it did not make a single difference, this night he did it all over again.
Jumped up and down the street, bumped into the old rock wall, walked across the pavement and the park, sat in one of those nasty birdshitted bench.
Proceeded then to cover his legs and tail with a carton.
he was scared, hungry, but most of all, he just did not understand.
hopeless sad monkey.
good bye to the nasty habits.

the test

2006-04-12T19:38:00.000-07:00

standing on the seasand shore in my hometown i try to mantain balance.
the sea comes and goes, and the sand covers my feet eating me slowly.
when i got tired i sat down.
and then i laid down.
and then the sea washed the shore, it comes and goes.

washimaway

2006-04-10T19:22:00.000-07:00

well, the time has come for me to bend and kiss the street, as a stray dog would at the sight of his master, i collapse in front of the lights.
in joy i would rejoyce, in sadness i would weep, and in coldness i will die.
but first i must carve the concrete, that will read: "sh.it it is cold here"
now say goodbye.
goodbye

sleep

2006-04-06T14:31:00.000-07:00

the machine started to stop.
i knew i had exactly 1/2 hour to be asleep from now til it started all over again.
i fell down to my bed, alone, and started reading the most boring book i found.
the reading made me dizzy, and the sleeping pills kicked in to do their magic,
i was asleep in exactly 15 minutes.
when the machine started again, i was already dreaming i had someone with me, wanting to get crushed between my skinny arms.

always.watching

2006-04-05T16:19:00.000-07:00

when the crow starts his flight, that is the sign for me to wake up.
never dizzy, and never combed or smoked.
i get up behind his flight, and watch whoever he points out.
like a madman watching your sins,
be scared..

i love your...

2006-04-02T23:32:00.000-07:00

-i was gone for a sec there, you were saying?
-i was telling you about my wife, she is a real pain.
-she is IN pain?
-no man, i want you to take her
-no shit?
-no
-that's all you had to say. from now on, i love her man.

look at me that way. again.

2006-03-20T21:26:00.000-08:00

well, everyone can fall.
i just went down the wrong path for the third time, same chick, same alley, same thief.
but don't presume i do not think ahead. since the first time i go with a lot less money, no ID, and... well.
last time was not so good though. she only got to kiss me twice. i guess the thief might be the boyfriend, or the husband. i don't really care.
it was not a mistake.
they even might have known i carried less money. less money=less action, right?

welcome back

2006-03-16T22:09:00.000-08:00

well now, mr anderson.
the law tells us you should not jaywalk, but common sense tells us where we cross the friggin street is all the same to the lawmaker. God won't throw a lightning at you, i am positive he won't. But i still have to write you a ticket. Sorry.

After that legendarily annoying cop went through his story chest to draw a picture of right and wrong, i had to stumble across.
-hello!
-hi...
-why are YOU sad?
-i was hoping you knew, got back to your old boyfriend?
-yeah, how'd you guess
-just my mood change, byebye
-seeya

well, as clueless as they are sometimes you know they are just fucking with you, not just all night, i mean...

lmao

2006-03-14T23:22:00.000-08:00

exactly.
in a film whose black humour is lightless, you can laugh a death or two.
in this movie i was seeing, the laughter was almost necessary, but it was hard to swallow after all.
i didn't care much, i had no regrets in that apartments.
i was plainly and simply laughing my ass off (hence the title) when the lights were shut and security came over the cinema trying to catch some fellow who done some wrong.
they screwed my movie.
fthem,
and fu.

wonders of life

2006-03-13T18:44:00.000-08:00

for now the bed was just enough to keep everything else out of my small mind. Sheets, a pillow, matress and sleep.
in dreams i usually torture myself with small things, like the name of a former lover or the tatoo of the last girl i tried to kiss. this time it was none of that, but it wasn't that different either.
i was strolling along in the beach where i live a few years ago, when suddenly i remember the date. it was obviously a birthday i wanted to forget but kept clinging in my brain.
i kept on walking sideways till i went into the cold water to calm my eagerness to shout her a happy birthday. I still think that i choose to punish myself in the dreams. that i am a sort of undercover masoquist, and that in the shadow of my sleep i like to see, hear and dream myself some pain up.
bye bye now, stroll along

thanx, good game.

2006-03-08T23:50:00.000-08:00

well, as i fell of the building i thought about the whole jumping out of a building thing. Just like in the million dollar hotel movie, a song in my head (not u2 though, more like "spinning plates" of cabezasderadio).
Flying was cool enough for the jump, made it worth it. But i went further in my reasoning. Why did i jump? it was for a girl. always a fucking girl...
she had brown hair, was skinny, brown eyes (ferpect in lies, iknow) nice legs, great sense of humour and taste for movies. shit. her name is. u dont care so i wont tell.
and just like in cortazar's story, i could tell you the end of it in just a stopped for eternity split second. but you know what, i like summaries every now and then.
so i screamed really hard as i saw her entering the building.
"imdead.just4u!" and then splashed all over the pavement.
and you know what, it doesnt really hurt.

musicpunch

2006-03-07T22:13:00.000-08:00

When i finnaly woke up i saw what had happened before.
I had been attacked by:
THE CHEMICAL BATHROOMS.
it was a well known electronic music punching bass beating band.
i was in shaving the whales group, we encountered on the beach at Cali.
they where mistreating bass.
We came for their help, but they were too many, we had to fold quickly.
I tripped and they beat me unconscious.

And now they are just a famous band.

not again

2006-03-04T17:55:00.000-08:00

seems like today
is it just the same as i told you before we were at the feet of the mountain last year?
i remember telling you: "chill. you will have yours in time".
seems you don't wanna get it. pity.
and now we have to go back again, and you're still not in track.
im sorry.
try growing up

2*a-live

2006-02-15T10:43:00.000-08:00

massive multiple hits while trash was littered.
it was all done again, the punches, the kicks, the tossing of my body to the giant trash can that was later pulled up by some machine. in semi-conciousness my head bleeding and my arms totally numb i watch as the walls close down on me, again.

wakingdead+bandnames

2006-02-08T11:25:00.000-08:00

-turning round in bed, day and night. The heat feels like another partner in the house, only inhabited by air currents and a pestilent body lying on a bed.
-face down. the body hides it's face like knowing the consecuences, and feeling shame.
-no time to wake. it searches for the deepest thought of sleep, and never really wakes up.
-finnally. it get's up to the shower, cold as hell (thanx elton) and tries to shake the dead feeling, goes out and examines the night of NYC without any lights or music, just some stars moving round trying to capture a man's attention.

bandnames:
deathfly
hellfly
angelost
the dying kings
frostbite
the just
Frenzy
Faraway
Prozakillers

mike and me

2006-01-29T22:19:00.000-08:00

trapped. The cellardoor was locked.
the darkness encouraged them to grow closer until they touched each others hands.faces.
again they dropped voices. again they separated.
open door, shout, closed door.
again they.hands.faces.he started to kiss her claiming it could be their last chance (classic). she faked a no for an answer and started feeling his lips.when the door opened again.
her father beat the crap out of mike for 2 days, until the pouulice came around.
couple shots, one dead.faces.hands.tears(maybejoy,maybesorrow).
come back again mike.

yep.

2006-01-23T22:18:00.000-08:00

i started up as a mechanic when i knew my head couldn't solve the right questions. I became a filosopher when it ocurred to me that THEY did not ASK the right questions. I returned to being a mechanic when i stopped caring.
Careless, ask more, and please drop your fucking car in my garage.

johnny and mary

2006-01-14T00:58:00.000-08:00

they told me to count, but i didn't want to. i started a fire to keep us warm while the others played in the darkness.
she came to me first, while the others still played. we walked to the beach and then pretended to kiss each other. holding hands was the farthest ive done till that day when i touched mary's lips.
i had seen a movie in which after some kissing they had a smoke, but i didn't have any. she sat down and counted my fingers, said she liked me and ran away. played hide and seek for about an hour more, and then our parents went to the beach to fetch us.
i was still looking at the fire when mary waved to me from her dad's car.

fallen bridge

2006-01-12T19:55:00.000-08:00

knee down, stagger and violently fall down.
a minute later things were coming to.
the river was wide and i was all wet, the bridge had fallen down.
somebody was screaming downstream, somebody was hurt by my side, but my head started feeling lighter and my eyes closed again.
sleep sounds nice, like the river getting smaller and soundless.

waiting. again.

2006-01-08T22:45:00.000-08:00

worms come at the strangest of times, like when the main course went sour, guess what was served next?. worms come to eat, and not to be eaten, but they do not mind role variety. worms fear light, not death. worms humor me. worms visit more often. when you said see you later, it was late. when you came again the worms had had their feast and i was no longer there.
when you confront a motionless person lying down, you are the worm.

uncomfortably numb

2006-01-05T17:57:00.000-08:00

i do not need a girl, i need a fix, or a kill. i need clear head right away. time calling yesterday i thought it was ok.
lost again in bets for healing packs.
burst again without tears solving words mean little more than gibberish.
if understand contact head physitian.

press start

2006-01-01T23:20:00.000-08:00

imagine second for just a, that room in your...
yes
she is in your room.
just as it happened two days ago while you were daydreaming.
and all you have to do is
press start.

wings on floor

2005-12-25T21:57:00.000-08:00

wings, black scattered on the wet floor standing apart.
feet firmly on the ground, eyes staring forward.
tears all over the salty face, starting to shake up and screaming for the world to fall apart over him.
kneeling down, he promises to return when he can, but he cannot part. wet wings and slow limbs do not make a good sum.
bye kid. cut the wings, they no longer serve me any good.

first to go

2005-12-24T12:53:00.000-08:00

red burned feet standing in front of a door, the door opens and a girl comes out. the red feet move towards her to hold her.
the hug lasts a few minutes and then, leaving the door open and lights turned on, they proceed to walk to the nearest park, about a mile away. the walk is lasting long enough to build up the scene.
first they talk, then they hold each other, and they sit on a blue bench.
when the moment comes and the red feet start to run she cries and turns home.

the happy psycho

2005-12-20T08:07:00.000-08:00

sometimes, maybe very few times it is possible to see a smile. the grass is yellow when the frozen wind from winter tries on other suits. and then the smiler is able to make other people giggle or laugh, not that it is his intention...
snow melts and it is happy psycho time. he goes out.
when you see a bald black dressed 20 year old freak in the street please smile and wave at me, i will be pleased to hear from you.

me, thesmallshit

2005-12-12T04:17:00.000-08:00

nevermore: the tale of the little fuckbag.
it all started when i was young. i should have guessed that when my father told me to sing "mother" from Pink Floyd to my own mom, things were not well.
and because i am a scumbag i did not react, i just stayed put like nothing happened.
and when i most expected it, hell broke loose, i even feared to get hurt (???).

2005-12-10T14:44:00.000-08:00

yappy doo.
today was great trying to stick my neck out for you while you slept in my bed with someone else. (note: she never told me she was bisexual, although i think now, in retrospective, i would have been even more interested in her)
so, while i was shot with a shotgun (!) robbing rum from "the treasure island" brewering and liquor store, up there in straight to hell street, you were having fun with a ridiculously beautiful woman. (why did i go out...)
thank you honey. next time, i hope i am invited to your party

daydreamer/nightstalker

2005-12-09T11:52:00.000-08:00

well, i gotta confess that even though music is on really loud and my neighbours are feeling a little bit itchy with that and the fact that i got a new pet tiger...
out in the streetcorner of my building i find a new specie of rare bum listening to Radiohead playing a rare version of Lucky with Michael Stype, he tells me that i was late to the meeting and starts running of pulling my arm.
He led me to a passage where i thought they only sold weed to the desperate, but it turns out that it was a lot much more than it appeared to the naked eye.
a girl, of about 10 was there screaming. She was screaming at us, it was way past her bedtime and we were late again. When she was done yelling she told us that we should stick together when we entered chayna town.

i got killed today.

2005-12-05T10:10:00.000-08:00

nothing slow, just a blunt object slammed into my head ruling out inmortality. one second my face was here, the other it was all around like trying to kiss the floor.

try not to speak

2005-12-02T13:14:00.000-08:00

lean forward and suddenly you are blinded and coughing from all the smoke around trying to break free of the air coming in sucking on your bleeding lungs that try and try desperately to cling to the heartless mass of body kneeling on the floor of the kitchen's ceiling upside downward spiral freezer coming to get that tongue of yours swapping it for someone elses that cut in your throat up and in and blood to take out the tongue from your larinxx

killthesea

2005-11-27T11:50:00.000-08:00

braindamaged and limping i walk to the beach. the tide is always rising fast, like in a red dream. the waves crash at my side, and the rocks care to fall apart from my bold and fearfull steps. i hold on to my pistol and the war begins.
i shoot at the sea, once, twice, three times.
then the waves crash me down, only one is needed, and i loose me gun, my determination, my temper and my chances of killing the unkillable.
the sea leaves me on the sands and returns with the tide.
i am left salted in a cloudy day sneezing and sandfull of the lesson.

"when there's nowhere else to run..."

2005-11-18T19:05:00.000-08:00

Shit happens, right? wrong.
Shit crawls over you, inside you and only then it happens.
It's like i'm cursed running from an unknown all powerful mummy inside a fucking pyramid that has been shut my whole life.
Then, again, history repeats. A woman comes claiming to be Cleopatra (you all know who she is).
We dance, yep, dance trying to shake the mummy. Then we do roll over and have sex, then i have to harm her in a way she asks me to, gently but full of meaning you wouldn't understand.
Try to make a promise for me, never sleep with a mummy, the aftertaste is not that great.
ps>the song that gave me the title is "all these things that i've done" from The Killers

donnie darko and 9/11

2005-11-06T19:55:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about the movie, and how it was forbidden to play at the cinema because of the tragedy that happened around the time it was supposed to be ready for the public.
If the reason was that a jet engine crashed Donnie's house, and that alone, I think the cause is so small and does not have a clear perspective of things.
In the movie, the main character stands alone against time, death, illness and a hostile world. And what he does, besides battling for his life, is giving it for the things he loves.
Maybe this is what some people didn't want to get out of their heads, this is not necessarily a bad thing. He mends the relationship with his mother, he falls in love, he grows closer to the things he should, and he dies with a smile in his face, knowing that what he did was the right thing.
It's when you take someones life that all goes to hell.

allover.

2005-11-01T11:25:00.000-08:00

well my dearest friends, it has come. the time for being honest and distrustfull at the same time. i may endure the perils of being left alone, but i will not come to the ground by myself.
who will raise one hand and come with me?
why don't i see hands up?
it was clear from the first moment you weren't up with it, your apretiation was limited to show yourself today, but help is something i never asked before.
go on home.
while i wait here for someone to sit beside me.

a-wake

2005-10-26T02:32:00.000-07:00

watching you, stare at the wall. the big red brick chunk that separates you from the cold outside. I stare for hours, you stare for hours. Climb down from the sofa and grab me by my tie.
i fall down once again.
On the floor i hear the music you turned on, "like spinning plates", the live (and better) version. It is true, i'm really stuck here, with you. A little romantic figure only in my head. i guess all that slapping around is only trying to wake up.

2005-10-23T22:36:00.000-07:00

it hurts... i wake up and you are there, like trying to tell me you are not.
All the same i hurry down the stairs to throw you out, but i end up sleeping in the neighbours dog/house.
The thing is i was so bored and horny, i had to knock at your door to tell you that even though you dont like me, i would love to hate you.
i really dont know why, but i hit your name every once in a while, i curse for a few minutes and think about calling you, and then i hide behind my sheets, and sleep with my girlfriend, the one i love to hurt.

nice to know you

2005-10-17T00:03:00.000-07:00

Come on, excuse my dirty laundry, dishes all over, my smell, all the arrows that point towards lack of self respect.
If you cross that line, i will have to kiss you.
(your legs move faster than my voice, you throw yourself to the ground and cry)
Better here than in the street, out there it is cold, at least i'm in room temperature.
The tears wake me up again, i've been sleeping for hour while you do your thing.
As soon as i put a pin inside yourflesh, you too wake up, finish sobbing and slap my face like i needed it.
(you reach inside my mouth with your tongue, flickering fire of desireless soft and fast skin brushinghair withoutsensesrespondingnomore......

next time it's your turn

2005-10-14T23:57:00.000-07:00

close your eyes, i'm still staring.
Breath in and out, reaching for a reason to stop.
In the middle of this hand touching you, you might find peace.
a striking blow wakes up the beast in you, as you rush to get your blood out of the floor, you smile, staring, and kiss me quickly before going to bed.
And then i cry as you get farther away.
cry in the middle of the night, without music, without scenery, without real pain, but with a nasty smile of pleasure upon your face.
"next time you it's your turn dear"

only in my head

2005-09-28T23:36:00.000-07:00

coffee smelled like shit. we were late to meet come friends over at the bar on the corner of our street, sex was the ultimate reason to be late, but it wasn't this time. Now we were recovering from a fight in which she nearly drowned my ass in the bathtub, and also i tried to commit suicide an hour ago. What a blast.
i love her though, i really do.
sometimes it can only be expressed in how i touch her, in how i embrace her.

ok, so what if i tried?

2005-09-28T23:19:00.000-07:00

i wanted to write in english today.
Dust really does turn it all, when i tried to sleep (and i write i without capital letter, because it is not more important than you, or them i guess...) and finished dessert inside the fridge with a carrot and some soda.
woke up tied to bed, she was beside me smiling and smoking, which i hate a lot. told me i wasn't good enough if tears never flowed from my pretty little black eyes.
so i cried and told that even though i knew she wasn't good enough for me, she was all i got, so i just had to love her with and also without my dirty black heart.
she whispered that she did not need me, she was only there to help.
i liked it that we couldn't stop crying then, it was a lot like sex, satisfying and also tiring. did not speak for hours. woke up the next evening with her on top wearing tears and a necklace that i made her.

luck?

2005-09-25T22:42:00.000-07:00

Tight and quiet, he tied her under a tree while he tried to have her.
She never refused, but it was always cold outside and inside.
They fought over control once more, without feeling the blood they took from the other each.
she fainted when he kissed the back of her neck, as he tied himself to the tree, to the throat, and jumped.

ps: wish me luck trying to find someone to do this with, will you?