seandearth

burning from the inside, heart racing somewhat lazily dropped on top of the table. screaming for help is futile, but fun, trying to smile through life all fucked up.

there was no answer yet, he fiddled with broken tools and assesed his options. there was no point doing anything but what he was doing. the filters in his head where obliterated with disgust and disdain, proving everything was just a moment and everything is mostly space. just shut your eyes, just breathe, count to something and voila. the tank headspace for drama and chaos is constantly and speedily topped, which made sleeping naps the only way for brain to stay functioning, deleting data overflow for a clearer next disaster to happen. the voices inside are very kindly appointed to the best tasks in years. taking in solitude as a wise budhist monk, with some drugs added through different but similar mechanisms. injustice best served cold open hearted surgey procedure in mind flat.

  The duality of our beings being prone to good and not, to being selfish and not, to being aware and not, to being available and not, to being decayed and not, to being pleasant and not, to take a hint and not.

 Freeze my brain, please Just dig it out of my skull And place it gently On the freezer

 Just when i thought i couldn’t get started again, I found that the action replaced the thought instantly. And what may have become a burden, was now safe.   All the hate had evaporated a while ago… The beauty of the simplest things in life really had had a shiny afternoon. Wrongdoing wasn’t a worry nor a choice, it was the sweetest sensation of carelessness that really sank its teeth and, Profuse with the venom of the absurdity and coyness, Released

 Even though were apart now Even if you need more Even if you think it’s the last way to go back     Even if it’s the last thing you’ll read       Please come and read the story The story of how In the time of need A prince finally showed up And when the monster ate him And burped       You felt the need To go into the closest dance club And have the time of your life Dance your ass off And go home With the monster

guarding its head in the dark, bowing only to gods walks the keeper of the bolts and doors in the garden from before the land in the wake of the ancient rock secret only to him is the key secret only for his eyes to keep and safeguard the heavens and hells we have created

when would this magic fingers run away from me like fish-hooks gathering every little idea that was left sinking inside my brain uninvited dwelling for hours and hours until it hurt my eyes whispering fierce phrases with no meaning wandering around till nothing was left like a barren free of ideas-land of death quick to melt away at a stare gathering all what was left behind like a circular stair, trying to hide something in plain sight

As im about to fall asleep, bound to drift into unnamed lands and dreams. A thought appears out of nowhere, and then a reaction. Is there someone inside the house? Why did i take this sleeping pill. Who is... What do i do now...  Ahhhh such falsehood and denseness. Let it dream Let me fall down from my bead and break the leg of my destinations Settle down and have a beer Bug off!

It was then when the axe fell and the hall smelled colder Wind blowing away from the windows into the corridors A wasteland was about to be uncovered Brutal castles emerged from the depths Cold crystals swallowed whatever life was left Blinding lightning torched the earth once fruitful Charred and deaf rocks lay ahead, one after the other Once green had now all turned grey

It was a tragedy, everyone said so. When the cars collided and both went down the bridge, survival seemed impossible. Some bodies later floated on the river, blue and very dead.  Only one remained unfound.  One smiling face sob who planned it all.  But who cared? They were all criminals They were past due. Finished No one ever located that last man standing And no one ever will.  Certainty is a hard thing to find, but finding a woman you thought was a man may be even harder. 

Im standing inside my room facing the door. Everything seems quiet. I stood up 30 seconds earlier because. I heard some sounds. Im in my pijamas. My pajamas are blue, but I am scared. The door starts to open and I freeze.  Its 30 seconds later and im facing the wall now. Im peeing my pajamas, now they are even darker blue and Im still scared. I have some confort in being here alone, if my parents were here there could be more of a mess. They (i can hear at least two voices) put a blindfold and carried me to bed. Im still and quiet and they dont talk a lot.  I dont know how but I fall asleep, and dream about my house being robbed. In the dream, i was very cool and still, there was no violence.  Then i woke up with a slam in the door and they were gone. 

Never wrote by hand, trembling with disease. Stapled all my limbs to rotten furniture. The pictures in my head keep me awake. The lack of context keeps me hidden. Like a chameleon, looking for the next place to blend in silence. where do you keep me? what will you find? Maybe only a smile in my face and an invitation to step in for some tea or a walk in the park.

So what would it take.  Guts. Focus. Will No... I could not possibly do that It would take to brake my own code I didnt know wether to play or to lose I didnt know wether to run or hide It was such a nasty feeling It was a threat Horrible twisted guts 

The creation lasted a while in the sun. The heat melted it faster than everyone thought possible. Sensitivity was at last obtained and returned to the sender. The inhumane taste of afterglow was sweeter to her than anyone else, so she felt obligated to speak on their behalf. "Thank you for everything, but we don't need you anymore". And as they returned to their ships, the last of them waved as if to say goodbye.

cadence teardrop senseless sentence. and then it all blows up. the figurines, the sex, careless flesh all around mixed with alcohol everyone drowning private issues in public disgrace. paying for someone else to lick their tasteless wounds, suffocate them, tie them, smell them, curse them. and when the rituals are finnally over, return to their homes, where they choose to hide. just let everything out, and then slit your innner thoughts. just bottle up your demands and differences. just let it creep up no more, and sleep for a while.

why have to make choices. why can't it be like the coming and going of the sea, keeping the tide warm, free of riddles and cliffs. i cant even understand anymore, and my eyes wont cry. let it be said that destiny is chosen by few, but confronted by all of us. and then again, if you choose sleep, or if you choose not to be awake, then you may not be choosing at all.

ive been waiting for this. a moment in which i sit down not thinking of a cigarrete, or a beer, or porn. a moment for my head to be blank, a sort of nirvana, if you like. silence...

follow where you lead, directly to the ground. i really could, think about it, even enjoy it. scream it's my place, where i belong, one direct hit. savor my blood like candy, just like my first love could you let me escape? let me escape

soooooooooo the alibi begins to set: the meeting with another woman. the jealousy and rage pouring over. it's a dinner date on a soso restaurant. the knife glittering. the food is really nice, would you care for a glass of wine? red. all over.