seandearth

if god does know, and i know he does, then im forgiven. At least i hope so, in all my sins i hope so, in al my grief i pledge so, in all my words i cry for, and in all my dreams i wish for. good bye dear old friends

i had a band a few years back. it was kind of indy, mellow rock band. my friends from school and i played in some stoner bars for some crappy money and booze. the tricks were good, we mostly played some covers and R. wrote some songs. He was always getting laid whenever he played certain songs to someone in the audience. what we didn't know then is that he slept with men. D. played the bass, and smoked pot only when he wasn't with us. M. played the keyboards, and he wasn't around for long. S. played the drums. he had a strange foot fetish, we found him one day tied to his bed smelling his girlfriends feet. We had been friends for 10 years but we never seemed to know each other a whole lot. the name of the band was clistar creal.

What if all, I want want in this world, Turned out just to be an honest girl, Turned out just to make of me an honest man.

Nothing left to say, but sing this song. enjoy the lyrics: "They slit our throats Like we were flowers And our milk has been devoured When you want it It goes away too fast Times u hate it It always seems to last But just remember when you think you're free The crack inside you fucking heart is me [thought, not spoken:] I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day I wish I could sleep But I can't lay on my back Because ther's a knife For everyday that I've known you When you want it It goes away yoo fast Times u hate it It always seems to last But just remember when you think you're free The crack inside your fucking heart is me [thought, not spoken:] I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day Lie to me, cry to me, give to me I would Lie with me, die with me, give to me I would Keep all your secrets wrapped in dead hair I hope at least we die holding hands for always"

sharing fears. one of these days i'm gonna call you, sit at your front lawn, without waking your dad. wait until you pretend to fall asleep. help you climb down the window. stare at your whole body for hours, and kiss those tasty lips. and when your nightmares get you, and you start to share your fears with me. i will make them come true, and tear you apart. just for fun.

greedy, dare i say. the betting was done. the cards flowed out of the table, and the flesh started to turn red. a kiss was not expected. just the natural flow of life at it's peak. she had won the hand, but he had his first chance. the colour of the wine was suitable for the occasion . he was shivering when she touched his face. the rest was for the room to know, and us to find out. indeed, they fucked. there is no term to picture it, but glorious. but the ends to the means, the hands, the shapes, the blood. confusion lonelyness swept and greed.

-i dont know. -in what did you spend your money? -i dont remember... things. -what things? -what does it matter what things? -it matters, it was not your money in the first place. -i know, i screwed up. -do you have any idea what is the matter with you? -no

so the girl was a mess. she dragged herself to the kitchen, and washed her hands in the sink. she felt some salty tears and then tasted them. she went back to bed next to him and slept. in the night she woke up with a bloody nose and some nightmares. she fed her cat, had some coffee, half a cigarette . she coughed some blood later and decided to go back to sleep. she did not wake up again.

so come on and bring the hammer he said while falling asleep. she went to the toolshed and brought it back. she sighed and then whispered something in his ear. he woke up and then cracked down.

it took a while for me to figure it out. it had something to do with fingertips and swans and mornings and rum. it had something to do with dew and dawns and typewriters and wrists. i called her everyday for a year. she only returned my calls with papers for a divorce.

when i got to bed that night the only true message in my head was "fuck the world" caring is creepy i don't even remember the last time i held you but if you where here i would die just to touch your lips and kissss you goodbye

well, the summer just started. the sight of the beach under a warm rain on my feet. again i was lost in some cold eyes staring at nowhere. the mud took a hold of my legs the eyes turned around and caught a gaze on me stared at me like some freak show crying in the rain laughed turned round and left walking on the beah walking beside someone else i won't be walking after you

i'm sorry for all the things i did. for all the things i said. for the way i looked at you, and the way you smiled. sorry for all the lies, and the non-truths. sorry for the frenzy and the dancing, the alcohol and the rain. sorry for me and my family. yeah, right...

this shit you put me through... i was just walking home safe and sane and you appear with your face screaming at me like i was some kind of heartless mother. it keeps me sane that i know you for a little while. i wanted to take care of you.

its hard to say goodbye nowadays. it is heartwarmingly fun to go out and dance in the cold listening to a lost track, but i want more than some fun for tonight. no surprises tommorrow. the house and the yard in the same spot as ever, the family spread all around the lake. festivities suck all year round and im also alone. goodbye

my son came to visit me that year, it was a cruel way to say goodbye. he left laughing as i choked with the impression that i helped raising a little monster. the winter was over, but the feeling of coldness had just started.

i wake up at night to see you sleeping next to me. it's not the fact that i'll know you'll go away someday, or that your days here are few and counted. i just like to hear you breathe and touch your skin to wake you up and have a kiss. tomorrow you'll leave, and i'll wake up alone. but today, you lie here, in my bed, in my world, in my haunted eyes and truthless hands. today i'll kill for you. and kiss you, and strangle you until you stop me.

my eyes start to hurt the cross air between breaths standing still and then falling becoming begone start and stop this will be the end frown and then look at your shoes desperation is stepping over grief and then my legs hurt my voice goes numb eyes twitching dot the i "leave me be. leave me here in my complaining sick sad little world." (incubus)

we came into an opening for the first time in hours. the jungle was very dense and this was like a moment to breathe. they were faster and obviously catching on us, so we had to move faster. the leader thought it was a good idea to pause, but the rest of us continued walking and couldn't look back when we heard the gunshot. It was only a matter of time.

i watched my feet i just sat and watched my feet go up and down, up and down, up and down. Like when we were kids and sat on a swing. the dream was the same as our fear, going all the way round like a wheel. and then i jumped out and stared forward, into the valley, and even out of the valley and into the sea. it was a beautiful afternoon. My legs felt new and my grandkids where about to come home for supper. "so long grandpa" was all i needed to hear that day.