seandearth

close your eyes to what's not there. that's all she said, and it made perfect sense. then she left.

lightly stepping over the sleepyheads, i make my way through the kitchen. i cook for everyone before they rise, and then stroll along to the beach to have a nice long cold water bath. i hear some loud yelling, they're telling me to come back before everthings finished. smiling at everyone i take my plate and enjoy a late lunch, soaking wet and with my hair covering my eyes. last night was a night to remember, and though it wont come back, i know we will.

no one else sees this, this fear, this same moon that gathers. the tentacles of countless lenses. the fate that brings another day. illusions different for the same twisting eyes, searching endlessly to count the surrounding fish, to embrace sudden asphyxiation. water below my toes, and under the skin, stretching from my arms to my teeth, inaccurate, immense. choking, stripping thoughts of the palpable, of the concrete. obtusely exhaling tears into salty water, and then the improvised last goodbye. if you came to me, i would still drown.

incredible. the answers appear just as long as you loose all faith in them. she tries to reason it out, lighting a fire with her hands, trying to read the stars in a dark drowsy night. he feels her reaching in, ignoring him, confident he will listen. i stare at both of them and they're silence and close my eyes. he takes a needle and starts writing her body, first in the air, now on her back "i do" in blood, and then a kiss. she cries, holds him like a child in her arms, caress his forehead, whispers "i do too". I open my eyes and walk away with a smile and a don't look back.

i just wanna tear up my face. dissapear, forget myself, forget i ever knew me. and then fade in. close my eyes without remembering a name. invent no stories, tell no jokes. just lay in a cold bed trying to fall asleep. thinking if the next day will rain.

it's just your face. Thats what he said when i was crying. And then i lied about what had happened He missed a step and tripped when he was on the floor we tried to speak, but i could not hear a sound. the glowing stars on the sealing made a wink and i fell asleep before i could hear him leave. The minutes that remained from the night, the frightening voices, the scarred trees, the wet floor, and the blessed cigarettes. fire kept me warm as i tried in vain to embrace myself to the sleeping twilight, with a hurting bed trying to fade away.

if i could erase the memory of me in the minds of the people that could suffer with my death, i would.

At 6 i stopped reading bedtime stories. At 16 i started writing them. At 26 all i wanted was to sleep.

laughing on the corner street. limit between the light and your face comes near to zero when u strike me. beer on the asphalt. dancers in the dark. in the end, a cigarette lights up the distance. and the end is obliterated, because there is no beginning . how should i speak. when can i cry. run. hide. respect? remorse? turn off the lights as you get out of my room, please.

if god does know, and i know he does, then im forgiven. At least i hope so, in all my sins i hope so, in al my grief i pledge so, in all my words i cry for, and in all my dreams i wish for. good bye dear old friends

i had a band a few years back. it was kind of indy, mellow rock band. my friends from school and i played in some stoner bars for some crappy money and booze. the tricks were good, we mostly played some covers and R. wrote some songs. He was always getting laid whenever he played certain songs to someone in the audience. what we didn't know then is that he slept with men. D. played the bass, and smoked pot only when he wasn't with us. M. played the keyboards, and he wasn't around for long. S. played the drums. he had a strange foot fetish, we found him one day tied to his bed smelling his girlfriends feet. We had been friends for 10 years but we never seemed to know each other a whole lot. the name of the band was clistar creal.

What if all, I want want in this world, Turned out just to be an honest girl, Turned out just to make of me an honest man.

Nothing left to say, but sing this song. enjoy the lyrics: "They slit our throats Like we were flowers And our milk has been devoured When you want it It goes away too fast Times u hate it It always seems to last But just remember when you think you're free The crack inside you fucking heart is me [thought, not spoken:] I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day I wish I could sleep But I can't lay on my back Because ther's a knife For everyday that I've known you When you want it It goes away yoo fast Times u hate it It always seems to last But just remember when you think you're free The crack inside your fucking heart is me [thought, not spoken:] I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day Lie to me, cry to me, give to me I would Lie with me, die with me, give to me I would Keep all your secrets wrapped in dead hair I hope at least we die holding hands for always"

sharing fears. one of these days i'm gonna call you, sit at your front lawn, without waking your dad. wait until you pretend to fall asleep. help you climb down the window. stare at your whole body for hours, and kiss those tasty lips. and when your nightmares get you, and you start to share your fears with me. i will make them come true, and tear you apart. just for fun.

greedy, dare i say. the betting was done. the cards flowed out of the table, and the flesh started to turn red. a kiss was not expected. just the natural flow of life at it's peak. she had won the hand, but he had his first chance. the colour of the wine was suitable for the occasion . he was shivering when she touched his face. the rest was for the room to know, and us to find out. indeed, they fucked. there is no term to picture it, but glorious. but the ends to the means, the hands, the shapes, the blood. confusion lonelyness swept and greed.

-i dont know. -in what did you spend your money? -i dont remember... things. -what things? -what does it matter what things? -it matters, it was not your money in the first place. -i know, i screwed up. -do you have any idea what is the matter with you? -no

so the girl was a mess. she dragged herself to the kitchen, and washed her hands in the sink. she felt some salty tears and then tasted them. she went back to bed next to him and slept. in the night she woke up with a bloody nose and some nightmares. she fed her cat, had some coffee, half a cigarette . she coughed some blood later and decided to go back to sleep. she did not wake up again.

so come on and bring the hammer he said while falling asleep. she went to the toolshed and brought it back. she sighed and then whispered something in his ear. he woke up and then cracked down.

it took a while for me to figure it out. it had something to do with fingertips and swans and mornings and rum. it had something to do with dew and dawns and typewriters and wrists. i called her everyday for a year. she only returned my calls with papers for a divorce.

when i got to bed that night the only true message in my head was "fuck the world" caring is creepy i don't even remember the last time i held you but if you where here i would die just to touch your lips and kissss you goodbye