seandearth

undo, redo. rewind and erease. the knowing of a late outcome can curse your preset present till you find out it may even be... ok. without waiting we stumble upon tried before answers we don't even say. and the last thing you stand on top is the facts, and the first you fall upon is the sad... ness of having lost... a chance.

yackety-yack. not good to not think this through. but whenever it calls it follows. so, it calls. and the brain starts to understand it should be following. "why don't you come by my place tonight?" of course the answer is written in the question, it's not even a question. and it follows. and we say good morning like we say goodnight, like the only thing we say.

why would she lie to me? maybe she had something to loose, some uncontrolable urge to fuck with me, in any way possible. and why the tears, and the crusts of what seemed to be regret, and the happines g0dd4mm!t after all im just a whiner and the people sorrounding me are just here to set the fun on fire. i want to sing so badly but the words escape in other ways, maybe more reliable, sarcastic out of focus and undry bring it.

Just like a dreary dream dreamt by the unlikely bum. It opened with a face, a smile and a dance. then lights turned around into night. and the face was blown like leaves, and the cats realized the dance was over. save me one last dance only in the dreams i can not escape completely from the broken pleasure of this song unsung. charming and lonely, eyes wide, and open. eyes fixed and crazed, closed soulless eyes. Hey...

i don't quite remember what she had said to me, only that i was left sitting and crying, thinking about the next day in the park, the next coffee and the next cig. she didn't leave me, but left me alone. i was confused and at the same time amazed. i felt naive and white. the next day, with the coffee and the cig in the park, she met me there with some guy, it was supposed to be her dad. he kept on telling her that they should go, she kept looking at me as if i had the answer. they finally left. i put out the cigarette in my coffee and poured down a blanket till it covered my feet, and went to sleep.

it was not until thursday that i knew what was going on. the lift seemed an unlikely solution. all things pointed to the direction i had not faced before. the sky was a little red and grey. and their bodies grew yellow and black. everything in my head was blurry, still when i spoke it was as if i was certain about anything. the fact remained that while i was alive, my friends were dead, and i was starting to think that i did them in. one by one in my strangest dreams i killed them in my sleep. and now, not knowing what to do i just lay in my tent, hoping someone reaches what's left of us. the forest was a great scenario, i could have taken a million pictures if the sight wasn't dragged to this.

jazz figurines danced over a table. salty feet stumbling at each other. fear was their rythm and awe. how was it that they found the music with so much to run from. greedy eyes watching over their shoulders, cold hands avoiding to touch, and feel, and keeping from melting into the scene. standing up reasoning there was not, filtering rays bolting keys shattered faces and growing holes. senseless beating of seconds one after the other, and then there was no sound at all. no hands, no figurines, no stares at the wall. no jazz no edge

staring over the bridge i saw a woman trying to stand up. she couldnt talk, or stay still. she had been crying about a flower. the sense of all over was around. when she finally stood up she had nowhere to go.

take me ill regret not having, not taking it all. step back when we meet i dont want to see a frown lay on the grass, bring the wine. becoming or begoing but dont stay still, tell me its you that i miss? on the shower, in a bench on the park... lay down on the grass, and bring the wine. stay right here before running away. maybe someday we'll have time to think about this.

close your eyes to what's not there. that's all she said, and it made perfect sense. then she left.

lightly stepping over the sleepyheads, i make my way through the kitchen. i cook for everyone before they rise, and then stroll along to the beach to have a nice long cold water bath. i hear some loud yelling, they're telling me to come back before everthings finished. smiling at everyone i take my plate and enjoy a late lunch, soaking wet and with my hair covering my eyes. last night was a night to remember, and though it wont come back, i know we will.

no one else sees this, this fear, this same moon that gathers. the tentacles of countless lenses. the fate that brings another day. illusions different for the same twisting eyes, searching endlessly to count the surrounding fish, to embrace sudden asphyxiation. water below my toes, and under the skin, stretching from my arms to my teeth, inaccurate, immense. choking, stripping thoughts of the palpable, of the concrete. obtusely exhaling tears into salty water, and then the improvised last goodbye. if you came to me, i would still drown.

incredible. the answers appear just as long as you loose all faith in them. she tries to reason it out, lighting a fire with her hands, trying to read the stars in a dark drowsy night. he feels her reaching in, ignoring him, confident he will listen. i stare at both of them and they're silence and close my eyes. he takes a needle and starts writing her body, first in the air, now on her back "i do" in blood, and then a kiss. she cries, holds him like a child in her arms, caress his forehead, whispers "i do too". I open my eyes and walk away with a smile and a don't look back.

i just wanna tear up my face. dissapear, forget myself, forget i ever knew me. and then fade in. close my eyes without remembering a name. invent no stories, tell no jokes. just lay in a cold bed trying to fall asleep. thinking if the next day will rain.

it's just your face. Thats what he said when i was crying. And then i lied about what had happened He missed a step and tripped when he was on the floor we tried to speak, but i could not hear a sound. the glowing stars on the sealing made a wink and i fell asleep before i could hear him leave. The minutes that remained from the night, the frightening voices, the scarred trees, the wet floor, and the blessed cigarettes. fire kept me warm as i tried in vain to embrace myself to the sleeping twilight, with a hurting bed trying to fade away.

if i could erase the memory of me in the minds of the people that could suffer with my death, i would.

At 6 i stopped reading bedtime stories. At 16 i started writing them. At 26 all i wanted was to sleep.

laughing on the corner street. limit between the light and your face comes near to zero when u strike me. beer on the asphalt. dancers in the dark. in the end, a cigarette lights up the distance. and the end is obliterated, because there is no beginning . how should i speak. when can i cry. run. hide. respect? remorse? turn off the lights as you get out of my room, please.

if god does know, and i know he does, then im forgiven. At least i hope so, in all my sins i hope so, in al my grief i pledge so, in all my words i cry for, and in all my dreams i wish for. good bye dear old friends

i had a band a few years back. it was kind of indy, mellow rock band. my friends from school and i played in some stoner bars for some crappy money and booze. the tricks were good, we mostly played some covers and R. wrote some songs. He was always getting laid whenever he played certain songs to someone in the audience. what we didn't know then is that he slept with men. D. played the bass, and smoked pot only when he wasn't with us. M. played the keyboards, and he wasn't around for long. S. played the drums. he had a strange foot fetish, we found him one day tied to his bed smelling his girlfriends feet. We had been friends for 10 years but we never seemed to know each other a whole lot. the name of the band was clistar creal.