Dead inside

It was a tragedy, everyone said so.

When the cars collided and both went down the bridge, survival seemed impossible.

Some bodies later floated on the river, blue and very dead. 

Only one remained unfound. 

One smiling face sob who planned it all. 

But who cared? They were all criminals

They were past due. Finished

No one ever located that last man standing

And no one ever will. 

Certainty is a hard thing to find, but finding a woman you thought was a man may be even harder. 

They

Im standing inside my room facing the door. Everything seems quiet. I stood up 30 seconds earlier because. I heard some sounds. Im in my pijamas. My pajamas are blue, but I am scared. The door starts to open and I freeze. 

Its 30 seconds later and im facing the wall now. Im peeing my pajamas, now they are even darker blue and Im still scared. I have some confort in being here alone, if my parents were here there could be more of a mess. They (i can hear at least two voices) put a blindfold and carried me to bed. Im still and quiet and they dont talk a lot. 

I dont know how but I fall asleep, and dream about my house being robbed. In the dream, i was very cool and still, there was no violence. 

Then i woke up with a slam in the door and they were gone. 

who knows?

Never wrote by hand, trembling with disease.
Stapled all my limbs to rotten furniture.
The pictures in my head keep me awake.
The lack of context keeps me hidden.
Like a chameleon, looking for the next place to blend
in silence.
where do you keep me?
what will you find?
Maybe only a smile in my face
and an invitation to step in for some tea
or a walk in the park.

What would it take to survive

So what would it take. 

Guts. Focus. Will

No... I could not possibly do that

It would take to brake my own code

I didnt know wether to play or to lose

I didnt know wether to run or hide

It was such a nasty feeling

It was a threat

Horrible twisted guts