seandearth

It was a tragedy, everyone said so. When the cars collided and both went down the bridge, survival seemed impossible. Some bodies later floated on the river, blue and very dead.  Only one remained unfound.  One smiling face sob who planned it all.  But who cared? They were all criminals They were past due. Finished No one ever located that last man standing And no one ever will.  Certainty is a hard thing to find, but finding a woman you thought was a man may be even harder. 

Im standing inside my room facing the door. Everything seems quiet. I stood up 30 seconds earlier because. I heard some sounds. Im in my pijamas. My pajamas are blue, but I am scared. The door starts to open and I freeze.  Its 30 seconds later and im facing the wall now. Im peeing my pajamas, now they are even darker blue and Im still scared. I have some confort in being here alone, if my parents were here there could be more of a mess. They (i can hear at least two voices) put a blindfold and carried me to bed. Im still and quiet and they dont talk a lot.  I dont know how but I fall asleep, and dream about my house being robbed. In the dream, i was very cool and still, there was no violence.  Then i woke up with a slam in the door and they were gone. 

Never wrote by hand, trembling with disease. Stapled all my limbs to rotten furniture. The pictures in my head keep me awake. The lack of context keeps me hidden. Like a chameleon, looking for the next place to blend in silence. where do you keep me? what will you find? Maybe only a smile in my face and an invitation to step in for some tea or a walk in the park.

So what would it take.  Guts. Focus. Will No... I could not possibly do that It would take to brake my own code I didnt know wether to play or to lose I didnt know wether to run or hide It was such a nasty feeling It was a threat Horrible twisted guts